he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
