I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
