Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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