just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
