From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
