and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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