I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
