I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
