My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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