ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
