She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
