oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
