yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
