the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
please don't ironically join a cult
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