If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
