Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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