What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's never too late to be topless.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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