There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
