I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
