and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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