I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this hospital has no fireball
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
