Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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