I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
