i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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