omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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