This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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