you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
