So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
