i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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