the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
