Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
