Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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