At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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