yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
