Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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