Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
