Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love having hate sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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