remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
