so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
