i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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