He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
