I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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