was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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