She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish you could order shots online.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
