I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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