you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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