All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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