I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
