this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
