so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
