Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
