Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
