So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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