We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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