theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
