Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
