it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
