Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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