Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
