I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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